Desire vs. Motivation

I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between Desire and Motivation.  Being a Marketing Major, I believe my degree could be summed up in one simple phrase:

Marketing: Defining and capitalizing on what motivates people to do what they do.

Of course that's a gross over-simplification and possibly selling myself short.  I do think about the topic often however.

 mo·ti·va·tion

 ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n/

 noun

1. the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.

2. the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.

 de·sire

 dəˈzī(ə)r/

 noun

  

1. a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

While I've not rounded out the idea fully yet in my own head, I have determined that desire will often be the cause of motivation.  Before you can be motivated to do anything, you must first have a desire for the end result of having done it.  Otherwise, why do it? 

This is a tricky one for me so I'll try to explain why this is on my mind so much:

"Find Balance You Must"

(to paraphrase Master Yoda)

I have a friend for whom I have diminishing respect.  Why is my opinion in decline?  Because her desire outweighs her motivation.  She's a nice enough gal.  She cares for her family/friends, tries to be a good person, works hard at what is in front of her, etc. but she is constantly talking about the next big thing and complains (to me) when it doesn't happen.  Of course we all do this from time to time.  But it's beginning to rule her life and her personality.  All she does is complain that she isn't where she would like to be in life, finds fault in everything around her, and consistently brings me down when I am around her.  Sure, she'll call me when she's excited about the next big thing that's on her mind and I love seeing the passion and excitement at that stage.  But give it a day or two and it will simply be another regret because she failed to act .  What's worse, the fun/new/exciting thing will end up fueling her downward spiral with regret.

 Desire Without Motivation is Toxic

Obviously motivation isn't inherently "good" per se.  We can be motivated to do bad things.  Duh.  But I feel desire without motivation is inherently bad and is leaking in to our lives at an alarming rate. 

My 4 year old is learning this lesson now.  He has the desire to play with toys but lacks the desire (and the motivation that follows) to pick them up when finished.  I fear I am teaching him the wrong lesson here.  What finally motivates him to pick up his toys is his desire for me to stop telling him to pick up his toys or threatening lost privileges.  My question as a parent: Am I teaching him the right lesson?  Am I teaching him to be motivated to do the right thing or am I teaching him how to simply get me to shut up?  Or is him learning how to get me to can-it a valuable step toward learning the true desired end result? 

Fast forward 26 years: I read an article about a 30 year old man that refuses to leave his parents' home.  He refuses to help with living expenses, rent, utilities, food, etc.  His parents have served him with eviction notices and have even offered him copious amounts of money to use as a deposit/down-payment for a new place.  He refuses to leave and so the parents have retained an attorney and are taking him to court (Forehead-Smack).  Bringing this back to my original topic, this dude has a desire to live in a nice, comfortable place but lacks the motivation to obtain that goal for himself.  How sad is this?  What is going to happen when he is finally required by law or by force to leave?  Where will he go?  More importantly-what is he going to be able to accomplish when all he has is desire but no motivation in his tool-kit to get it done?  This is toxic.  For himself, his parents, the judicial system that is being tied up having to tell Mr. Man-Baby to grow up and get out, and for all of us as tax-paying citizens. 

Moving On

I could beat the proverbial dead-horse for hours.  But I won't.  (You're welcome.)  The bottom line is that one of the most frustrating things for me in life is when I have a desire to get something done but I am lacking the motivation.  Normally this happens when I am sick.  I want to work, to get the lawn mowed, to clean the bathroom, or to make dinner.... 

.....but...I....just.........can't..................do........................it..........

It's so frustrating!  That's a good thing!  It should be frustrating.  If it ceases to be frustrating, you may have a problem. 

I will continue to round-out this idea and may make changes/additions to this post.

Too long....

I've decided that going back and fixing the past posts (see previous post for details) is taking too long to complete before starting to work on new posts.  I have too many things bouncing around in my noggin to not move on.  I will go back and fix previous posts as I have time but will focus more on new posts. 

With that being said....

As an update to my previous post:  I have realized that there truly is a time and a season to everything in life.  I know this sounds obvious and at the ripe age of 34 I should have learned this already; however, it is a very valuable lesson I have recently learned. 

I loved my time serving the youth.  It helped me with many things such as...

1. Getting Out of My Box:  I am a very status-quo person.  Hanging out with teenagers taught me that status-quo is dumb...most the time.

2. Having Fun Is Ok: I am also a very "letter of the law" kind of guy when I feel like I am in charge.  For example, I feel like if something were to go wrong I would be held responsible.  This often got in the way of me letting down and having fun with the boys.  I'm sure being an insurance adjuster and always looking at potential liabilities didn't help placate the "risk-goblins" running around in my brain.  Being around the boys helped me realize that sometimes you just have to chill and have fun. 

3.  Being Young is Tough:  I had one youth look at me recently and tell me that adults felt the youth were naive.  I looked right back at them and said "I don't feel you are naive. If anybody is naive it's the adults.  We have no idea what you have to deal with on a daily basis and the ways the adversary has access to you has increased 10 fold since we were your age."  And it's true!  Of course, the youth are naive in ways.  So are the adults.  So are the old timers.  Once we accept that age has little bearing on how much control we feel we have in life we can begin to accept the short-comings of others and work together to make life better all the way around.

I have also learned (or remembered) many things no longer being involved with the youth...

1. Family is #1:  I got lost a bit in my service to the youth.  It was SO BUSY all the time.  I enjoyed it most the time but I didn't realize how much time I was robbing from my family.  In the last several weeks my relationship with my kiddos has improved greatly and I am actually having fun with my wife again!  Before, even if I was present physically I wasn't present mentally.  My bad...

2.  It's OK to Miss Things:  Of course I miss being involved with the youth and I miss having that relationship with them; however, I have passed the torch and in the spirit of being selfless, I strongly believe the youth got all they were going to get from me.  By the end, I was going through the motions on auto-pilot.  It was time for new leadership with a fresh perspective and new tactics to keep them engaged. 

3. My Wife Rocks: Of course I ALWAYS knew this one.  Since being released, my wife has gotten a new calling that takes her away from home once or twice a week in the evenings.  What she is doing is extremely important and it has given me a minor glimpse in to what she dealt with while I was gone consistently for the last 10 years.  I don't know how anybody can say women are not as strong as men.  She is my rock/anchor/Incredible Hulk that swoops in and saves my sorry butt every dang time. 

Another added bonus that I'm enjoying greatly in having more time is I'm able to ponder and think about topics for myself vs. having topics/ideas fed to me and needing to move on to the next thing before appreciating the depth of what was happening around me.  I am sure this is why I've started writing this blog again.  I'm not sure if anybody reads this but for me, it's helpful to get these things out so I can more fully develop them. 

I'm back baby!!!

I'm sure nobody reads this blog anymore.  It's my fault!  I haven't posted for almost 5 years! 

Ironically I have an almost 5 year old.  You do the math.  

I am also posting this the same day that I have been released from serving as the President of the Young Men's Program for church.  If you don't know what this is, it's a church calling/responsibility that over-sees the male youth ages 12 to graduation and includes the Boy Scout program. 

In January of this year I crossed the 10 year mark for serving with the youth...a decade!  Wowza.  I was scared to death and incredibly intimidated when I was first asked to participate in this program.  After 10 years I have come to love and respect the youth that ARE this program and their parents.  And I will miss it terribly!  It's been just over 7 hours since I was officially released but I feel an odd vacancy inside already!  It's almost like I'm not sure what to do with myself. 

To give you an idea:

 My average Sunday responsibilities included a meeting before church, then 3 hours of normal church (3 Hours?!?  Mormons are weird...), then often times a meeting after.  I was often at church starting at 9:30am, and wouldn't leave until 3:00pm...ish.  Yikes.  Then there were our weekly activity nights that would take me away from my family for 2-3 hours (normally on a Tuesday or Wednesday evening).  Then our weekend activities such as camp-outs, bike rides, hikes, etc.  So in an average week, I'd spend as many as 4 days out of 7 away from my family.  

Side Note: Shout out to my amazing wife!  She has loved and supported me in these responsibilities.  She has gotten our boys ready for church by herself, taken them home...by herself, for over 4 years now.  To put THAT in perspective, you try lugging a church bag, a toy bag, a 30 pound purse that has enough provisions inside to support a small country,  a 4 year old, and a baby carrier with a baby in it across a church parking lot, in a dress, on your own and still look as hot as she does by the time she gets inside...  My wife rocks and I don't deserve her! 

I am positive I made things more difficult than I should have...which I often do.  And when I was asked (by my wife) why I was always gone (physically or mentally), all I could think of to tell her was that I was trying to be the youth leader I hope my boys will have when they grow up and start this program. 

I know it sounds like I'm whining.  I am actually honored that I had this opportunity to learn from the the youth.  I was constantly learning from them and felt close to them in many ways.  And my successors are well equipped and amazing people.  So I have no reason but to feel thankful for the time I had and realize that, while I enjoyed serving in this capacity, I now get to spend some much anticipated time with the family!

Thus the blog!  Now that I have thoroughly over-explained the situation, I am hoping to dedicate time to document the great things that are happening around me. 

But first, I need to go back and fix my blog!  You'll notice (depending on at what point you read this post) most of the previous posts have lost their pictures.  Funny story-I deleted them.  See, when I was a youngster newb, and I got my first Android phone, and I synced my blog to my phone, and the pictures from my blog showed up on my phone, and my mild OCD was bothering me having pictures on said phone that I wasn't interested in having on there, and so I deleted them...it deleted it from my blog as well.  Stupid?  Yes.  So I'd like to go back and try to fix it! 

With that, I will leave you with this quote from the famous Andy Bernard: 

"I wish there was a way to know you're in 

"the good old days", before you've actually left them."